Obituary: Kathy Tosney

Kathy Tosney, Adventurer, Nun, Grandmother and Tireless Advocate, Dies at 77

Kathy Tosney, a Portland woman whose life spanned hitchhiking across America, a stint as a Catholic nun, a career in social work and a late-in-call to spiritual ministry, died on Aug. 31, 2026, at Brigham and Women's Hospital in Boston. She was 77 and was surrounded by her sons and their families at the time of her passing — the same Boston hospital where both of her boys had been born.

Tosney was the daughter of Bill and Cass Tosney and a sister to Bill, Jim and Joe. She is survived by her sons, Johann and Nick, her daughters-in-law, Yasmin and Dani, and four grandchildren — Gabby, Pemma, Bodhi and Nina — who knew her as Granny Toz. To many others beyond her family, she was simply a friend, a confidante and, as her loved ones put it, "a mother to anyone who needed one."

Her life, by any measure, was unusual.

She left high school early and hitchhiked across the country. She bluffed her way into a job on a dude ranch. She once earned a 10-year ban from both firearms possession and fishing in the State of New York, the details of which have become family legend. She played basketball at what was then known as Conscious College.

In young adulthood, Tosney entered religious life, becoming a Catholic nun — one her family affectionately describes as a "cool hippie nun" with a motorcycle. She worked as a phlebotomist at a hospital in Buffalo, New York, before leaving the order. She met a lumberjack on a farm in Canada and married him.

She went on to earn a master's degree in clinical social work from Simmons College. When her sons were young, she set aside that career to wait tables at the Muddy Rudder in Yarmouth so she could be home with them during the day. She built a family camp on Upper Patten Pond. At some point along the way, she won offshore fishing trophies in the annual Grady White owners tournament, managed a multi-unit apartment building and twice helped organize campaigns with Catholics for Marriage Equality.

After years in social work — including founding the Family Center at Jack Elementary School in Portland — she retired from Portland Public Schools and began volunteering as a hospice worker. That work led her to a second vocation in spiritual direction, which she pursued for the rest of her life. She completed a Certificate in Spiritual Direction through the Sisters of Saint Joseph's SDII Program in Boston and taught contemplative prayer at Mepkin Abbey in South Carolina, which she considered her favorite place on Earth. She co-founded Mepkin's Zip Code Contemplation Program and its weekly Online Centering Prayer Session, led Ignatian retreats at Eastern Point Retreat House in Gloucester, Massachusetts, and lectured at Yale Divinity School.

Family was the through line of it all. Tosney provided early childcare for each of her four grandchildren, hosted regular "Granny Fridays" and sleepovers, and made it to every grandchild's birthday, "whenever and wherever in the world it was celebrated." During a period of heightened ICE enforcement, she advocated for undocumented mothers and children. At 75, she got her first tattoo on a whim when someone offered her one.

In her final years, she waged what her family called an "epic battle" against lymphoma. Those close to her said she was, without question, the most grateful patient ever to walk the halls of New England Cancer Specialists, Maine Medical Center and Dana-Farber, and that she exercised more as a cancer patient than she ever had before her diagnosis.

Those who knew her said she approached everything with humor, nerve and a disregard for others' opinions. Above all, they said, she wanted the people around her to feel loved.

A service of celebration and gratitude was held on Saturday, Sept. 5, in Longfellow Park, across the street from her home in Portland.

In lieu of flowers, her family has asked that those wishing to honor her memory call someone they love — a mother, a child, a friend — and tell them so. Hug them. Leave nothing unsaid. That, they said, is what Kathy would have wanted.